I Hope You Dance

FFA was on grounds (a.k.a. at Rock Springs) this last week for SCCL. Though I didn’t play a part in the conference I was able to catch a few glances at what was happening. As I watched I was reminded of several things and realized a few new ones…

1. It really seems like forever ago that my team and I had the incredible opportunity to serve as state officers. In fact it seems like a dream.

I can remember people, funny quotes, and tons of moments in time but there is a sense of reality missing from those memories. While watching the six new state officers I just want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and tell them to live in the moment…to take everything in.

I am the queen of worrying about and planning for the next thing to come and I constantly have to remind myself that there will never be a moment quite like the one I am in right now.

2. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I am starting my senior year as an Agricultural Education major, but lately I have been wondering if that is really the place for me. As I walked past the educational games the state officers were leading I found myself asking questions of myself…..Is this what I want? Do I want it just because I have had it before or even because someone else has it? Are my motives in pursuing my career of choice pure? Is it God leading to the plan he has for me or is it the Devil sidetracking me? I honestly have no idea how to answer these questions…..for once in my life I don’t the answer. I do know that I love watching the faces of students when the light bulb clicks on and I know that I want to be in the field of education, but beyond that I’m just not sure. There are so many people who have poured so much into my being an Ag teacher; how do walk away and let them down? However I also know that lately I have a greater input drive for Theology than I have ever had for Ag. Before this past Monday I thought I had a plan….finish my degree and go to grad school to pursue a Masters in Theology. All the pieces were falling into place….TEC, M.I. at Joel’s house, the friends I have been surrounding myself with lately, finding young adults who leave an impact in others lives without teaching Ag or coaching, and the deep love I have for Catholicism. But then I found myself surrounding by 300+ FFA members and AG teachers and I realized that I love this too. I am reminded exactly why I have always gone back to AgEd no matter how many times I have doubted it. I know that no matter what vocation and career I choose I will be happy, but the problem is happy isn’t good enough; to follow God’s call is to be fulfilled and that is what I want….to be fulfilled.

3. I love my family and no matter how much I try to act like I am an independent, tough woman I find myself near to tears every time I think about how much of their lives I am missing out on…..especially my little sisters. I learned a few things in my while 21 years here and one of those is that It is easy to hurt, ignore, and even remain too prideful to those that mean the most to us because we know that they will always forgive us....or at least we think that they will. I know that I’ve been there before….when you want to say something but you afraid to appear weak or not in control. When will we stop putting up a face and put it all on the line? Life only happens once and so often we only have one chance to get it right. Say what you mean, take a chance at love, and live like there is no tomorrow…..have no regrets.

Despite my “has-been” status I crashed the last 45 minutes of the SCCL dance. At the very end I had the opportunity to swing dance with my little sister. I know it may seem weird, two girls dancing and all, but it brought a smile to my face. You see, though I may not be the best at it, dancing has always been a part of my life. From the parents teaching dance class when I was little to dancing with Grandpa at the steak dinner dances and all the 4-H and FFA dances in between many of my fondest memories include the dance floor. LeeAnn Womack summed dancing up pretty well when she wrote:

“Never fear the mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance”

All any of us can do in life is to choose to dance. Curveballs will come our way and our plans will often go a’ ray, but if we don’t chose to dance it will be our loss at the end of the day.