A Simple Song

Last night I rode home with three of my friends...in two different cars. Liz and Jackie and coming to visit Janet and I's neck of the woods, dear 'ol Southeast Kansas. After switching riders, I spent the second half of the 3+ hour trip in Janet's car. Eventually the radio come on (I am sure it is because Janet quickly got tired of my stories...though she would never say it) and we started belted out "Stealing Cinderella." Despite the fact that neither one of us can sing- not that well anyway :) -the moment was beautiful. In fact in that moment time seemed to stand still.

In one instant the song brought an abundance of thoughts into my mind....

a. I'm not ready to leave college, period. It has taken me three years to realize the gift I have been given and now it seems like time is running short to make the most of it. As I sat in the Active Student Retreat this week I was asked to write down what prayers in my life have been answered. Not knowing where to begin I sat and pondered....there are so many to name. The thought that kept coming into my mind were the people that God has placed into my life. Without a doubt each one of them is an answer...to my dad's prayers. It can't be easy to let your children grow up and I can only imagine watching your baby girl walk out of your safety thinking that she is Miss Indepoendent and can take on the world. Bottom line...I am so very blessed that God ansered my daddy's prayers and placed the most holy, genuine, and Christ-like people in my life to challenge, comfort, and chase the cross alongside me.

b. "Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight. Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin" The lyrics remind me of how innocent childhood was; how we didn't worry about a thing and took one day at a time. When did I "grow up"? When did I become too good for my roots? When did I stop seeing the beauty of my small hometown? I am not proud of the fact that I rarely call home, talk to only one to two people from my graduating classmates, and only make it back for a weekend visit twice a semester...if I am lucky. My roots made who I am...college just helped to uncover that person.

c. "Dancing with her dad, looking up at him"- The line just about brings me to tears every time I read it. I am nothing without my family. It is so easy to push the people who love you most to the back of your mind. Keeping up the parents till 1am when I get home to tell them all about life and then spending the next hour pouring over old photos and yearbooks thinking of "how life used to be." It is in these simple moments that I see the glory of God the most. He created every snapshot of my life and every conversation, heartbreak, and joyous moment in between. He knows what He does and I would be nothing without Him.


As I cranked up the song on the radio a smile creeped across my face. These moments are the ones worth living for. What are you living for? When was the last time that we stopped to bask in the glory of God? When did we last thank Him for the simple pleasures of life that often pass by? Take a moment today to thank Him for the gifts in your life, the prayers He has answered, and blessings He gives us in every single moment.

I Hope You Dance

FFA was on grounds (a.k.a. at Rock Springs) this last week for SCCL. Though I didn’t play a part in the conference I was able to catch a few glances at what was happening. As I watched I was reminded of several things and realized a few new ones…

1. It really seems like forever ago that my team and I had the incredible opportunity to serve as state officers. In fact it seems like a dream.

I can remember people, funny quotes, and tons of moments in time but there is a sense of reality missing from those memories. While watching the six new state officers I just want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and tell them to live in the moment…to take everything in.

I am the queen of worrying about and planning for the next thing to come and I constantly have to remind myself that there will never be a moment quite like the one I am in right now.

2. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I am starting my senior year as an Agricultural Education major, but lately I have been wondering if that is really the place for me. As I walked past the educational games the state officers were leading I found myself asking questions of myself…..Is this what I want? Do I want it just because I have had it before or even because someone else has it? Are my motives in pursuing my career of choice pure? Is it God leading to the plan he has for me or is it the Devil sidetracking me? I honestly have no idea how to answer these questions…..for once in my life I don’t the answer. I do know that I love watching the faces of students when the light bulb clicks on and I know that I want to be in the field of education, but beyond that I’m just not sure. There are so many people who have poured so much into my being an Ag teacher; how do walk away and let them down? However I also know that lately I have a greater input drive for Theology than I have ever had for Ag. Before this past Monday I thought I had a plan….finish my degree and go to grad school to pursue a Masters in Theology. All the pieces were falling into place….TEC, M.I. at Joel’s house, the friends I have been surrounding myself with lately, finding young adults who leave an impact in others lives without teaching Ag or coaching, and the deep love I have for Catholicism. But then I found myself surrounding by 300+ FFA members and AG teachers and I realized that I love this too. I am reminded exactly why I have always gone back to AgEd no matter how many times I have doubted it. I know that no matter what vocation and career I choose I will be happy, but the problem is happy isn’t good enough; to follow God’s call is to be fulfilled and that is what I want….to be fulfilled.

3. I love my family and no matter how much I try to act like I am an independent, tough woman I find myself near to tears every time I think about how much of their lives I am missing out on…..especially my little sisters. I learned a few things in my while 21 years here and one of those is that It is easy to hurt, ignore, and even remain too prideful to those that mean the most to us because we know that they will always forgive us....or at least we think that they will. I know that I’ve been there before….when you want to say something but you afraid to appear weak or not in control. When will we stop putting up a face and put it all on the line? Life only happens once and so often we only have one chance to get it right. Say what you mean, take a chance at love, and live like there is no tomorrow…..have no regrets.

Despite my “has-been” status I crashed the last 45 minutes of the SCCL dance. At the very end I had the opportunity to swing dance with my little sister. I know it may seem weird, two girls dancing and all, but it brought a smile to my face. You see, though I may not be the best at it, dancing has always been a part of my life. From the parents teaching dance class when I was little to dancing with Grandpa at the steak dinner dances and all the 4-H and FFA dances in between many of my fondest memories include the dance floor. LeeAnn Womack summed dancing up pretty well when she wrote:

“Never fear the mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
When you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance”

All any of us can do in life is to choose to dance. Curveballs will come our way and our plans will often go a’ ray, but if we don’t chose to dance it will be our loss at the end of the day.

A Peaceful Heart

There are not many things in this world that I know for sure, but I do know that I am completely at peace when I am surrounded by people whose hearts are focused on God. This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend three days with such people as we were solely focused on serving others to allow them to encounter Christ. What a weekend it was!

I cannot even begin to put into words what this past weekend at TEC #120 (Wichita) meant to me. Coming back to Rock Springs I had every emotion running through my mind....joy, fear, sadness, love, but most all peace.

You know that feeling that comes when no matter what happens your heart stays calm? When you know that everything is going to be just fine? That my friends is peace; the times in our lives when we are so focused on God that we cannot see nor focus on the insignificant troubles of what I like to call "fake world."

I have never really been good at finding peace in my life. If you know me you know that I love to always be achieving/working on something. This last semester that something has been my spiritual life, but for so long it just didn't feel right. I mean I was doing everything right....adoration, liturgy of the hours, R.C.I.A., night mass, rosaries....I was going through the motions. I wanted so badly to get it right, but my heart continued to feel not at rest. What was I doing wrong?

The answer came so quickly to me this weekend. My prayer life had become so apart of my routine that I had begun to forget the true meaning of praying. I forgot that to sit in silence in front of the Blessed Sacrament is more powerful than anything else.

I am so utterly blessed to have met 47 other people who have left a positive impact on my life. There are especially 14 people whom I had the opportunity to gow close to you during the weekend who now mean more to me than they will ever know. They taught me patience, humility, and servant leadership, but most all they taught me that no matter your age the true purpose of life is to glorify God. I can never ever thank them enough for the reminder of that lesson.

My encounter with Christ this weekend certainly left me wondering what my mission in life is, but at the same time knowing that no matter where my life leads me if I am following His plan then I will be fulfilled. That's the hardest part though isn't....turning your life completely over to God and surrendering all control? For me it is. I want to so badly, but the fear of not knowing what is to come so often engulfs me.

Fortunately, I have found some of the best friends a person could ask for. Their lives on consumed with following God's call and therefore keep me focused in the right direction. Yes, many of these friends have come from the TEC community, but many of them have also crossed my path in other ways. The meetings were often accidental and hardly ever planned, but the reason in undeniable....everything happens for a reason.

I have been blessed to travel around the country and I have met many people through those experiences. So often I wonder how I can continue to meet more people and still form the deep relationships that I want to with these people. Just when I think that I have reached my "friend capacity" though another person walks in to my life that will forever change it. This weekend was no different....my twin, my co-spiritual director, my past table partner, our W.C. director, the "American Pope"....just a few people who continue to teach me what life is all about.

I shared a lot of thoughts at once and honestly I wouldn't have blamed you if you stopped reading paragraphs ago, but if you are still with me let me share a couple thoughts with you that stopped me in tracks this weekend....

-How do you measure your self-worth....by what you do or who you are?

-Who should it matter that you be significant to...God or other people?

Why the Name?

Unlike some other blogs, I didn't want to use my boring 'ol name as my title; so inspired by Bethany's blog title (Chasing the Cross...check it out, she is amazing) I decided to have the name of my blog somehow reflect my faith and belief in God. For the last couple years the banner line on the inside of my phone has read "through him" so I found it only fitting to use it here too.

Where did it come from?

Great question!! At the end of the Eucharistic Prayer during Mass (all you Catholic cats should know what I am talking about) the priest says "Through Him, With Him, In Him ....." That part has always spoke wonders to me.

Through Him......

With Him.....

In Him......

Such simple six words, yet the power of them leaves a chill up my spine.

Therefore, I figured there would be not better title than this to give to the blog of my life story (yes, my life story...whether you want to hear/read it or not). Our sole mission in life should always be to glorify God. If I continue to focus on going all things "Through Him" than I only hope that I can be on the right track.......

Blogging 1, Torie 0

I held out for so long.......but then my curiousity got the best of me. Everywhere people around me were popping up with there own blogs....friends, educators, motivational speakers; it seems to be the thing to do, right?

Well, that is exactly the reason that I didn't want to get a blog. I have never been the person to do something just because someone else does it. In fact I was (who am I kidding...I still am) the stubborn kid who doesn't give in. As you can see though, here I am...blogging. After doing my own investigating I decided that this blogging thing could actually be a pretty cool thing. Here's why:

1. I am cut off from civilization-or so it seems-this summer while working at Rock Springs.
2. I often have the best of intentions to write notes and keep in touch with the people that matter most in my life, but somehow I always seem to fail at following through with my thoughts.
3. Everyone has the internet now....or access to it (ahem....Mom, Dad).
4. I love to talk :)
5. I am really trying to fous on strengthening relationships in my life and maybe by keeping in touch with those closest to me I can start to be better at it.
6. I am sure that it will turn out to be very interesting.

(Oh, and if you didn't know, I l-o-v-e love making lists!!)

However, I still have some reservations;
1. Who in their right mind would want to read this, let alone care about what I think?
2. What can I say that no one else has said yet?
3. Is this just pointless anyways?

Nonetheless, let's give this a go. Don't tell anyone, but I am kind of enjoying this blogging thing :)